When You Feel Alone In Your Miscarriage – Read This
How I covered up my pain VS. How I really felt inside.
When people asked how I had been, what had I been up to? I smiled. Nodded. Laughed even. Talked about normal life, the daily tasks.
But every time that question was asked, my mind went to the tragedies I had recently endured. I thought about the gruesome details that I would never actually share with them. I thought about how life felt different, changed, unfair. I was reminded of my fear of the future. I felt the groaning in my body, how it struggled to get back to normal. Subconsciously I stuffed down the shame. My body had failed me. I was made to be a woman, yet it had not lived up to those standards.
How could I NOT think about my miscarriage when asked about my life? Between the pregnancy and then the loss, it had consumed the last 20 weeks of my life. Not including the recovery.
But we don’t tell people those things, do we?
There are many people who never know about our loss. And then there are the ones who HAVE to know. The ones we had already told the GOOD news to, and therefore had to also tell the BAD news.
Those dreaded calls and texts. I would put them off for as long as possible, but people know something is wrong when a preggo lady doesn’t get back to them after a week or two. Then you’re forced to rehash the story again, and again. To be reminded of the pain.
It can feel like you’re the only one who knows how you feel. No one could ever understand.
While it is true that there are a LOT of people who can’t understand, and never will…. It is also true that there are plenty of people who do.
When other people don’t understand.
It can be hard when the people you share your life with, the closest ones to you, don’t understand your miscarriage, and the emotions that it’s causing you. And it can make you feel alone.
How could they, if they’ve never had infertility issues or a miscarriage? “It’s not their fault”, I told my myself time and time again. Try not to get upset with them, (as best as you can).
Our first instinct is to reach out to our “people”, and get comfort and support. Our circle. But if they cannot give it, it ends up being even more hurtful. It can cause us to feel misunderstood, judged even.
I completely understand this very hard part about going through the loss of a pregnancy.
These people CAN’T understand why you’re not ready to “try again”. These people CAN’T understand why you don’t want to go to that friends’ baby shower, why you don’t want to see pictures of so-and-so’s new baby. They CAN’T understand why your cousins’ pregnancy announcement makes you bitter inside and makes you want to barf.
You secretly stay off social media for a while, or you “snooze” said accounts so that you won’t see their maternity shoot, baby shower photos, or new family photos. You can’t tell anyone that you did this, or you will be judged.
But that doesn’t mean that no one understands. I understand. And there are plenty of ladies out there that do.
If you can understand this truth, and accept it as soon as possible, then you can forgive the people who CAN’T understand, and search for the people who DO.
STEP #1: PRAY. Ask God to bring these ladies into your life. He WILL.
STEP #2: You may need to be willing to open up just a tad, (as soon as you feel ready). When I started at least telling people I had had a miscarriage, I was shocked at the number of people I ALREADY KNEW that had a miscarriage in the past and had never spoken of it. These people are out there! Believe it, and go find them.
I have a few friendships that started out a little awkward because they were based solely on our mutual pregnancy issues. But over time, they have blossomed into some of the sweetest relationships. Ones that know how to be vulnerable and share true emotions.
Just think about how YOU feel when you find out someone has had a miscarriage. My heart drops for them, aches for them. I want to give them a long hug and let them cry on my shoulder. I want to offer them all the information I found out about WHY I had miscarriages, in hopes that it could be their answer to.
This could be quite awkward depending on who this person is. Ha! But my point is, there are ladies out there who feel just like you. Who WANT to reach out and offer help and support. BUT…….
#1: They need to know that you need it.
And #2: They need to know you are open and receptive to it, or they will feel awkward giving it, and hold back. (Especially on such a sensitive topic).
My message for you today is MOVE. Move towards the thing that you need. Move towards the support that is healthy for your soul.
You deserve support. You deserve to be understood. You deserve to be validated. You deserve to be free of the guilt of moving forward with your life when you’re ready.
You Are Not Alone.
Until next time, day each day on day at a time.
Her Life In Season